Embarrassment is a feeling that tends to fall under my regrets list. As much as I would love to say that I don't have any regrets, that's not true. I've been in a little bit of a rut lately. Walking along a path that I lack the confidence that I should have. The will to back up my knowledge and have it continue to grow. Instead I'm filled with self-doubt, low self-esteem and confidence. A horrible mixture to be walking around.
Instead of having my head held high, it hangs low with the weight of my worries on my shoulders. So how did this all start. Simple: A tape job. May it sound strange to you all, but to me...it's understandable. I'm majoring in Athletic Training, and while working a game I attempted to tape someone, and the end product was simply awful. It's not that I can't tape, but prior to that day my confidence was lowering, and it was clear that because of that...my low self-confidence was seeping through elsewhere. I know how to tape, I try and take pride in what I'm doing, and I try to keep everything wrinkle free. I have a passion for this profession and I'm willing to do what I need/have to in order to get to where I want to be! But that tape job was unacceptable.
It only made me feel disappointed in myself. Yes, for such a small simple thing to bring me down so much...seems silly. But one of my fears is to be known as the one that doesn't know anything...or the one that can't tape. Or the "dumb one"...whatever petty little side comment someone can make. True I am my own critic, and in an ideal world, no one else's opinion should matter but my own. However, in this instance...my opinion, I felt, was spot on.
So yes I was embarrassed to have done something I know I CAN do. I was embarrassed to do that in front of my peers and future clients. I was embarrassed. I regret not fully thinking through what I was doing. I could have made what I did better by thinking it through a little more. Instead, the confidence I lacked and the slight "panic" I felt, brought myself down, and thus Regret reered it's evil head and creeped into my mind. I was disappointed, embarrassed, and ashamed. So am I more upset that I had a bad tape job? No, I am more upset that I let my self-doubt get in the way. I know I CAN do this job, I know I CAN be good if not great at it, and I know I WILL make something of myself.
I can't let one set back, set me back for my entire future. I have to stay focussed and never let my goals out of my sight. Regrets are lessons we haven't learned yet.
